Resurrection of the Hate List.

It begins thusly, with the list of CS's hates for 2012.

- I still hate graduates. And lawyers.

- Women who openly mock me for the fact that I watch Offspring. Because they are way too intellectual and busy to watch something so trashy.  Why don't you remove that pole from your arse and fuck the fuck off??

- The Craigieburn line. WORST TRAIN LINE EVER.  It's delayed, then it's cancelled, then it's jam packed full of spuds.

- When I tell people I work in HR and they say "does that mean you hire and fire people?". Honestly, have you been living under a rock for the last 20 years? I wish I could hire you so I could immediately fire you.

- Attention seekers, especially those who post deliberately controversial statements on facebook. Stop trying to make everyone look at you, and how about shut the fuck up - no one gives a shit about you or your uneducated opinion and your 'five laps of the Tan never felt so relaxing'.

- People who are always "so busy" and "so stressed" because their job/life/existence is so fucking hectic and important. NEWSFLASH - we are all busy and you are no more important than anyone else (especially me), get over yourself. (Note:  I reserve the right to continue to say how busy and stressed I always am)

- People who ask me "when are you moving back to Brisbane?". Quite possibly never because I don't want to live in the same city as you.

- That annoying blonde bitch on the sportsbet ad.

- Seal on The Voice. The way he inappropriately touched all the girls on "Team Seal" after they sang made me vom in my mouth. Keep your hands to yourself you creep!!

Last in a series of three: Carly's hates
- mother fucking graduates
- lawyers (Carly's job....?)
- PLATFORM 14. 'MOTHER FUCKING PLATFORM 14' at Flinders St station
- people who sweat all over gym equipment and don't clean it up
- people on public transport who have their fucking ipods turned up so loud I cant hear my thoughts. We dont need to listen to your shit R&B music
- cyclists, generally, even though Sam is one, I feel I still have the right to hate their fucking guts
- I hate people who leave their shit at rental properties and then think its someone's else responsibility to clean it up!!!
- fat people in leggings. I am looking at them and saying I can see your arse. Anyone really and I can see their arse.
- I hate cab drivers who cant speak english
- I hate fucking stupid dirty slags who fuck celebrities and then sell their stories to the newspapers and then end up on Big Brother
- I hate people who collect things. 'I collect magazines.' (Michelle) 'What? Why? Hate you.'
- And actually I hate hobbies. Hobbies? I dont have time for hobbies. I like shopping, eating and coffee. Hobbyists PISS ME OFF
- ARGGHHHHHHHHHH. I hate those fucking pandora bracelets. They are ugly and over priced and under good
- I hate people who don't drink vodka
- that little bitch who sailed around the world. What's her name? Jessica Watson. She was a little bitch. Who gives a shit? I fucking hate her. The PM welcomed her back, and I was like, are you fucking real???
- I hate jockeys, small men who have high pitched voices and date good looking women. I'm like 'you have no right to do this'
- Eddie Maguire and his greasy fucking moonface. His face looks like a fucking paper bag
- cricket, its fucking boring and what happens? They hit a ball, they run and they arent even fit!! You could be unfit and an obese fucking chain smoker and you can STILL play
- I hate those cunts and those people who have special diets, oh im allergic to....whatever. Yeah, sure you are.
- I hate women who call in sick with period pain. Take a fucking naprogesic, you dumb bitch.
- I hate people who put photos of their children on facebook as their profile picture
- I hate Angelina Jolie. I hate that bitch, I hate that husband stealing bitch.
- I hate Madonna. Look at her. She is a fucking psycho. She had that lovely husband. She is not even attractive. Sean Penn gave her a fucking slap. Can you blame her?
- Ashton and Demi. Stay away from twitter guys, I mean, dont. Also, twitter sucks
- Women who cry about everything. It's like. Get. A. Fucking. Grip. They just shit me. Harden the fuck up, eat a cup of cement, and get over it. No-one gives a shit about your problems.
- You know what I hate? People who are constantly suffering form some sort of mental illness. Today I have psychosis. Tomorrow I have depression.
- I hate those shoes that are supposed to tone you as you walk. They look shit. And I am sorry but they don't DO shit.
- I hate women who have perfect skin hair and bodies and then sit there and complain
- I hate men who hate on sex and the city. Eg Sam. It is fucking awesome, it has nudity and drugs and swearing! What more could you want?? Get over it. Just fucking watch it and enjoy it bitch. It's like the female Entourage!

Second in a series of 3 of the Hate Lists: Number 2: Jaq's hate list.
- Gwyneth Paltrow. Skinny, insipid duck faced bitch with lank blonde hair. Insipid mole. And that bloke of hers looks like he wets the bed. In fact, put her at the top of my list.
- 'Quirky' people
- Anyone who has an 'image', e.g. 'I am a .. hippie'
- Cyclists
- Rainbow knee socks
- Cyclists who wear rainbow knee socks
- Women who term themselves as yummy mummies.. 'no you are not, you are a fat slag with a stretched vagina and stretch marks, and saggy beaten up tits'
- Climate change advocates who try to shove it down my throat. 'So smug and self-satisfied. You don't know shit I don't know'
- People who think music 'defines' them, and they have a soundtrack to every little minutia of their life, e.g.'this song defines me!' 'I discovered... Rufus Wainright.... yeah!!! I saw him unplugged in 1997 in this pub once....'
- …. and travellers, who say that every trip is harder and more gruelling than anyone else's, and they had the proper experience and hung out with the locals, I'm like, 'You climbed Machu Piccu before it was a tourist attraction?? COME ON'
- Anyone who uses the terms 'carbon' and 'footprint' in the same sentence, and ANYONE who lives on 'Sustainability Street'
- Disgusting drunk PIGS who do disgusting things and then brag about how drunk they were. 'Oh my god I was so drunk I don't ever remember....'
- When you go to the hairdresser when you have limited time and they GIVE YOU THE APPRENTICE and all you want to do is beat her face in with a shampoo bottle while she gives you a half arsed flaccid scalp massage for half an hour. Its like a bad blow job. (Carly): 'It's like poor oral sex'
- People who get offended by the word 'cunt'
- Predatory women who see you standing there with your boyfriend and then they start to pull out all the moves to get your boyfriend. Back OFF.
- AND if I had a dollar for every mother fucker who takes photos on their holidays, and thinks their photo should be in national geographic, I would be rich. Everyone has taken photos of their holidays. You are not an amateur photographer.
- I hate sports. And people who actually give a shit if Australia wins a gold medal
- Use of the word 'heroes'
- Bandwagon jumpers, especially of the do-gooder variety. e.g people who put 'refugees welcome here!' stickers on their front doors.
- When Princess Diana died and people actually gave a shit and people started crying, and I'm like 'how are you related to her??'
- the footy show - they all sit round pontificating about fucking football.
- Anyone who is a brown noser at work. Get a grip, its a job, have some fucking dignity
- Shane Warne.....'ew I think I just vommed in my mouth.' says Carly. And Simone Warne, I mean honestly
- Men who love their wives sooooooooooooo much and then as soon as the poor bitch dies he is marrying a 28 yr old woman. Jane McGrath must be angry about this. If I die, I hope Matt NEVER moves on, and if he does I will haunt him
- I hate people with migraines. What a downer.
- When your boyfriend has an ex girlfriend as a friend on facebook. You just know that your bf is secretly stalking their page whenever he gets a chance.
- I hate people who think they are hip and groovy. I would chuck a molotov at those fucking hipsters down Smith st
- Tandoori tans. YUCK
- When women whinge about men they took home – look, you went to bed at 2 with a 10 and got up at 10 with a 2. Get over it, we have all been there.
- Guys who are punching above their weight, e.g. the ugliest mother fucker in the room will always come up to YOU. 'What are you up to tonight??' I am like, 'I am trying to avoid gargoyles like you. Isn't there some gothic building missing you right now??'
- Facebook hating... people who use their status update to make deep and meaningful observations about the meaning of life.. or update it every hour to tell you what they are currently doing, ie.'Mandy Smith is eating a donut"
- You know what I hate? Me. I wake up in the morning, I look in the mirror, and I am like 'FUCK YOU' and I just want to punch myself in my smug face. What have you got to be smug about bitch? I say to myself
- Hate lists. they make me sound so negative.

Getting in touch with my inner bitch.
After some beers and some vietnamese last night, me and the flatmates commenced a fantastic bitch session. This discussion went on for several hours and resulted in many hysterical giggles and three comprehensive list of HATES, that were just too entertaining not to share share. So, the first in the series of 'Erk St hates', we have:

Michelle's Hate list

1. Bear Goddamn Grylls. The guy is a fucking posturing, wanky fucktard who drinks his own urine on a semi regular basis. The fact he named his child Huckleberry speaks for itself
2. ProLifers - fucking narrow minded fundamentalist dickwads, and I am being mild in that description.
3. Men who insist on sitting with their knees WIDE apart on trains because of their precious testicles. No, mate, your ball sack is NOT that bulbous. Bring your legs together so I might sit down comfortably.
4. Normal nice women who become bridezillas, and expect others to contribute thousands of money and hours to THEIR special day. ARGHHHHHHH
5. Further, women who put EVERY SINGLE PICTURE of their goddamned wedding / pregnancy on facebook and have no shame about sharing every intimate moment. EW. I dont want to know!!!!!!
6. People at work who take credit for your ideas and then don't correct anything when the boss praises them (I have filed this one away)
7. Travellers who have been places 10 years ago when a place was oh so hip and cool and now everyone is been there say 'oh but I went there when no-one went there'. OH sod off you pretentious flashpacker
8. Bitch mole shop girls (i.e. Hunt Leather et al) who look on you like you arent going to spend any money so they don't even both raising their eyes from their novel when you walk in. In the immortal words of Edina Monsoon 'you're only a shopgirl you know, you can lose the attitude'
9. OTHER extreme, those hyper hyper sales girls (am thinking Forever New, etc) who treat you as their BFF the minute you walk in and everything you try on is 'HOT'. No, dear, it is not. I look like a beached whale and we both know it. Please FO.
10. Friends who denounce one night stands 'Oh, Michelle, you won't find that satisfying' etc. Don't be such a downer, I say, you jealous lesbionic mole.
11. Melbourne Cab drivers. In general. Where do I begin???
12. You know what else makes me MAD? Ladders in pantihose you have literally just pulled on. The waste of money!!!! It makes me want to scream.
13. Little Wesley college arse holes that don't even bother to stand for pregnant women and old men. You disrespectful little shits. I always stood for everyone when I was in uniform. Show some manners. I once called Wesley College's DP about this, I was so incensed!
14. USELESS bloody MEN who think it is hilarious / permissible to leave the toilet seat up / skid marks around the bowl. Honestly, show some respect you misogynistic bastard. You are not in a Dunedin student flat now are you.

Oh dear God that felt good to get that off my chest. This list is significantly shorter than the ones my flatmates produced as well. (These are yet to be published)