Getting in touch with my inner bitch.
After some beers and some vietnamese last night, me and the flatmates commenced a fantastic bitch session. This discussion went on for several hours and resulted in many hysterical giggles and three comprehensive list of HATES, that were just too entertaining not to share share. So, the first in the series of 'Erk St hates', we have:
Michelle's Hate list
1. Bear Goddamn Grylls. The guy is a fucking posturing, wanky fucktard who drinks his own urine on a semi regular basis. The fact he named his child Huckleberry speaks for itself
2. ProLifers - fucking narrow minded fundamentalist dickwads, and I am being mild in that description.
3. Men who insist on sitting with their knees WIDE apart on trains because of their precious testicles. No, mate, your ball sack is NOT that bulbous. Bring your legs together so I might sit down comfortably.
4. Normal nice women who become bridezillas, and expect others to contribute thousands of money and hours to THEIR special day. ARGHHHHHHH
5. Further, women who put EVERY SINGLE PICTURE of their goddamned wedding / pregnancy on facebook and have no shame about sharing every intimate moment. EW. I dont want to know!!!!!!
6. People at work who take credit for your ideas and then don't correct anything when the boss praises them (I have filed this one away)
7. Travellers who have been places 10 years ago when a place was oh so hip and cool and now everyone is been there say 'oh but I went there when no-one went there'. OH sod off you pretentious flashpacker
8. Bitch mole shop girls (i.e. Hunt Leather et al) who look on you like you arent going to spend any money so they don't even both raising their eyes from their novel when you walk in. In the immortal words of Edina Monsoon 'you're only a shopgirl you know, you can lose the attitude'
9. OTHER extreme, those hyper hyper sales girls (am thinking Forever New, etc) who treat you as their BFF the minute you walk in and everything you try on is 'HOT'. No, dear, it is not. I look like a beached whale and we both know it. Please FO.
10. Friends who denounce one night stands 'Oh, Michelle, you won't find that satisfying' etc. Don't be such a downer, I say, you jealous lesbionic mole.
11. Melbourne Cab drivers. In general. Where do I begin???
12. You know what else makes me MAD? Ladders in pantihose you have literally just pulled on. The waste of money!!!! It makes me want to scream.
13. Little Wesley college arse holes that don't even bother to stand for pregnant women and old men. You disrespectful little shits. I always stood for everyone when I was in uniform. Show some manners. I once called Wesley College's DP about this, I was so incensed!
14. USELESS bloody MEN who think it is hilarious / permissible to leave the toilet seat up / skid marks around the bowl. Honestly, show some respect you misogynistic bastard. You are not in a Dunedin student flat now are you.
Oh dear God that felt good to get that off my chest. This list is significantly shorter than the ones my flatmates produced as well. (These are yet to be published)