This blog is coming to you from (checks flightpath) 6715 meters, somewhere over Indonesia. Will post when I land however; this class doesn’t have wifi at this altitude.

An interesting week at work in Singapore, possibly the final time I will be there for work (at least on this project), topped off by an even more interesting afternoon. Colleague Jood and I schlepped off after today’s ‘briefing session’ at about 4.30 and decided to go back to hotel, gather things and head to Changi to take our chances on getting on the 9pm flight back to Melbourne (when currently booked on 12.25am). As we waited for cab outside hotel, I picked up my laptop case. It felt decidedly light.

Look inside. Yup. Case devoid of laptop. Bollock.

No bother, we think, cab can take us via office. Done and done. Meter left running, taxi parks semi illegally while I run back into office building, take lift 38 floors up, sneak back into office, find laptop sitting innocuously in meeting room with my diary and silver bracelet I always take off to type. Gather up items, while surreptitiously checking over shoulder so no-one sees me and a) tries to start talking to me about the Change stream, b) notices that I left valuable company property unattended. Sneak out to lift lobby humming ‘mission impossible’ to myself, only to get in lift with the Head of Recruitment for Asia who laughs, telling me he had seen the whole thing, and that I was wasting valuable drinking time.

Run back to cab. Get to airport. Flutter eyelashes, charm, get girls out etc to try and get on earlier flight. They will advise in 'due course' but flight chockers. I wander off for shower (lovely), then some risotto balls (yummy actually) and chased by campari and orange (several.) Colleague Jood, meanwhile, goes off to get whiskey for husband and perfume for herself. Note this; this will be important shortly.

Bored by the garrulous middle aged broads from Adelaide in lounge next to me, decide to pop out for quick ciggie, start talking to oil man from Auckland. Feeling fantastic and alive. Pop past customer service desk to obtain status on charming /nagging way onto earlier flight….

Success!! Yes, have been bumped onto sooner flight! Boarding pass for 9pm is issued. Hurrah!! However, problem. Jood has purchased not one, but two duty free items ready for pickup at the original gate at midnight. Must pass back there to advise. Much fucking around with dopey duty free attendants from shops one and two. Oh fuck. Flight closing. Fuckedity fuck. Run to gate. Get to gate, get duty free. Phew.

Sit in seat. Asked to change so couple in matching velour (!!!) can sit together. No bother. My this time in mild state of hypertension. Gratefully inhale complimentary champage (numbers one and two.)

Fucking fucking hell.
Anyway, all good now. On a flight pointing its nose at melbourne. Time for some stupid movies and another gin and tonic and if I am self medicating so fucking be it. Bumpy as fuck as it always seems to be over Indonesia.

Tomrorrow I will have a steak and broccli, have a proper latte and sleep in my own bed. And I literally cannot wait.